Friday, January 1, 2010

Twenty Ten

2009 was terrific. I did it, I grew. Took the me which had taken 2008 to tear down and rebuild, and kicked it into the corporate world, gave it goals, flew it across the globe (one more time). And although it took a while before pieces started falling into place, fall into place they did. I imagine a lizard must feel utterly phenomenal after shedding its old skin.

But the past is written, and now, with this metamorphosed soul, 2010 looks blindingly bright. I won't need to go globetrotting in search of this ineffable something anymore, because, somewhere along the way - between witnessing something so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes, and realizing something so awe-inspiring that I spent months thinking about it - I found this something, and it's nothing short of miraculous. Of course I'll still run around the world. That's just who I am, and each passing year, with its discoveries and lessons, only serves to remind me. But now I do this not for the sake of searching for a missing piece, but as a means of traveling down the road to fulfillment. You know what, I don't know. I can't explain it, but I guess sometimes I don't have to. It all just comes together, and life just is so damn beautiful, and oh..

2010 is going to be great, and my vague goal for this year is to lay down some new tracks and refurbish some old ties. Time to get going. Good day, and good luck to everyone.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

On the Last Day of Christmas

The angel stood faintly in the glow that filtered in from the streetlight. He turned the statue just a little, so its glory could be better illuminated in the store window. It was almost closing time, and this would be their first Christmas Eve without a sale. Well, his first Christmas Eve without a sale. The pottery store was his alone now.

Outside it was drizzling lightly. He glanced up at the clock and noted the time, 7:22. It wasn't likely that a customer would walk in demanding clay figurines during the next thirty-eight minutes, and besides, it was already dark out. Tucking his scarf under his arm, he struggled into his suit jacket and switched the lights off. They went off, one section at a time; click, click, click. He felt the cold the instant he stepped outside, and knotted his scarf before locking the front door.

Beneath the streetlight, he tucked his hands in his pockets and squinted down the street while wetting his chapped bottom lip. He couldn't see much in the dark, rainy vastness. Maybe it would be better to find shelter first. Buttoning his jacket, he turned in the opposite direction and headed for the park.

He flicked his cigarette and a few ashes flittered like snowflakes to the wet sidewalk. Hunched over on a park bench, he studied his sleek dress shoes, their delicate laces and the beads of water that slid slowly down the sides. The branches of a willow tree swayed gently overhead, drooping down to create a dry sanctuary, but every so often, a heavy drop would slither through the branches and onto his suit, weaving wet impressions of the city among the blue pinstripes.

He glanced up, wrinkling his forehead, and took a drag. All around the tree, the rain kept falling.

The oak trees in the park were decorated with strings of lights, he noted. Stamping out his cigarette, he stood up and walked over to the nearest lighted tree. Up close, the bulbs seemed less festive, their filaments struggling to inject life into the falling night. Then he noticed a lone, darkened bulb that had resigned, descended into eremitism. "Come on, it's Christmas," he whispered as he flicked the bulb. It wouldn't quite be Christmas without this little bulb, he thought. With a sputter, the bulb flickered and shone once more.

He stepped back, looked down at the row of trees, all lighted in their holiday glory, and smiled. Then, tossing his head back, he laughed as the drizzle continued. "Come on! It's Christmas!!" he shouted, raising his hands to the sky. Turning to face the direction from whence he had came, he gave a light shrug and ran down the street, out of the park, past his pottery store, and into the dark, rainy vastness. As he ran, the streetlights came into view to illuminate his path, and it didn't seem quite so vast anymore.

He ran until he reached a white door, with the sounds of laughter and singing seeping through its cracks. There was a wreath hanging on the door, and, in the middle, a clay angel. His clay angel. Their clay angel.

Taking a deep breath, he undid his scarf and knocked. The carols continued uninterrupted and he stood there, dripping, shivering, ecstatic, crazy. He couldn't wait any longer and reached for the door, only to find it unlocked. As it slowly swung open, crowds of people, dressed in their holiday sweaters and gulping eggnog and mulled wine from frosted glasses, came into view - but he didn't notice any of them.

She wasn't standing under any mistletoe, but he didn't need any excuses. It was Christmas.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Christmas Wishlist

This Christmas, I would like:

1. In-ear headphones

2. A pair of soft, white denim pants

3. Two books, On the Road by Jack Kerouac and The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, to bring with me on my travels until they are tattered and torn

4. A surfboard

5. Seats at a fashion show

6. Tickets to a Jack's Mannequin concert

7. To snowboard again

8. A train ride across India and a camel ride to see the pyramids

9. To learn how to play my guitar

10. To master Chinese, improve my French, and learn Arabic

11. Perfect vision

12. Time to finish my novel before graduation

13. Occasion to reconnect with the special people I have lost touch with along the way

14. For my parents to lead worry-free lives

15. A second chance to make up for my mistakes and to the people I have wronged

16. The strength to accept the fact that things have changed and some things will never be the same

17. To share the beauty I have witnessed

18. To experience a miracle

19. The courage to be truly thankful for all that I have and all that I am


Of course, there are other things I want, like a yacht in Monaco, peace on earth, or even a complete, true understanding of myself. But I have only lived nineteen years thus far, and have only earned the right to wish for these nineteen mostly-feasible things that I can at least help attain. Someday, I will be forty-two, sixty-five, eighty-eight even, and then I will be able to wish for such things that are currently beyond my grasp.

Until then, I will look forward to Christmases yet to come and smile, knowing that life will only continue to surprise me.

Merry Christmas.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Change of Weather

I'm gonna write and write and write and write a novel.
You might be in it.

It'll be a big break from these little stories and poems, like going to Hong Kong because the only decent dim sum restaurant in metro Detroit went out of business. Bad metaphor, true story.

Ok. It's raining outside but it'll be sunny in my novel. Peace.

Josh

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Great Wall

Note: 100% fiction, even though a few random details may seem to be very in sync with my life.

I was born in Chinatown until I met her.

It was in a small apartment two dirt-stained flights of stairs above a store that sold barbequed meat. My father was a graduate student at the time, and was attending class the very moment I decided I was afraid of the dark. The womb was very dark. Our eighty-two year old neighbor, who had shaking hands but was once - thank whoever the incense is for - a nurse, delivered me. And that is how I came about, in the ointment-lathered hands of an octogenarian above a shop that made money by burning animals.

Every evening around five, old ladies with heavy sweaters and white hair would come to see the store's dead parade, burnt to a delicious golden brown. There were ducks hanging by their necks in the window, their small, beady eyes now represented by a crisp, mysterious hole. Usually there were hunks of barbequed pork, too, sauce dripping from the winking, penetrating hooks. $6.50 a pound, a handwritten piece of cardboard proclaimed beneath. On the weekends, a gleaming behemoth would resume its rightful throne behind the right half of the window, and continue the succulent dynasty of roasted suckling pigs.


I visited the store often with my mother. I mean, we lived right above it. Usually my mother would order a hunk of barbequed pork from the butcher with the grease-stained apron. By which I mean, both of them had grease-stained aprons, and the aprons were always greasy. At three years old, I had developed a jaundiced suspicion that they never washed their aprons. I also didn't trust the neon-orange cuttlefish swimming in their ocean of oily sauce. To this day, I still can't eat squid, or octopus, or anything rubbery. My friends used to ask me why I wouldn't try just one piece of fried calamari. I argued back with baseless but impassioned rhetoric. They haven't tried living in Chinatown.

When it rained, the floors of the barbequed meat store, as well as the stairs leading up to our apartment, would be painted with a mosaic of shoeprints, the grey, watery mementos seeping their way into the blue and white tiles that were designed for a public bathroom. I wasn't allowed to go out when it rained unless my mother said it was ok, not even to the playground in the park. Especially not to playground in the park. The plastic slide and rubber swings were dirty, and strangers wanted to kidnap me. I would also get sick if I didn't wear my jacket with a winking green frog on it. In retrospect, that winking green frog was probably creepier than any of the hobos in the park that asked my parents for spare change.

So, anyhow, I survived. Between getting horrible acne from all the grease that floated up from the meat shop straight onto my face and getting $2 in a red packet from an uncle for my birthday (he tried redeeming himself by saying it was lucky), I managed to eke out a childhood and somehow found my way to college. That's where I met her.

She was the most beautiful thing I had seen since a dancing lion was lit on fire during a Chinese New Year festival accident. I didn't have half the nerves needed to even go near her, what with her sleek, indigo dress and duchess-like poise. Also, it was a formal, yes, a dance, and yes, I had gone stag. For all I knew, some guy was poised in the shadows to leap out, grab a candle from the centerpiece, and beat the first thing that dared approach her. But my uncle's $2 must have been acting up that night, because the only open seat was at her table. Beside her. I almost died - from fright, not excitement.

To my right was some Korean guy with large, trendy glasses that didn't want anything to do with me. Oh, did I mention it was a Korean students club formal? Anyways, as it turned out, she did have a guy waiting in the shadows. And not just any guy, either - he was the president of the club, and had to go make a speech. Everyone listened. I fiddled with my salad fork, too scared to look left or right. When his speech was over, he stayed onstage while some Korean girl recited some poem I couldn't understand half of. The Korean half. It was a very long poem, and having nowhere to look but straight ahead, I began studying my menu. Grilled chicken salad, seared cuttlefish cutlet, or eggplant for the vegetarians. It didn't say how the eggplant was cooked, just eggplant in wide, bold letters.

"I'm getting the cuttlefish. What are you having?"

I turned my head slightly to the left. "Uhh..." I stammered, "anything but the cuttlefish?"

She let a chuckle escape. "Why? I love cuttlefish!"

"I just, I..." This time, I actually turned to face her. Her hair cascaded elegantly instead of drooping wearily, her skin was delicate and smooth, not oily, and she smelled faintly of jasmine flowers, not barbequed meat shops. "I'm allergic."

The poem ended and the president returned. We didn't say much to each other after that, just small talk that I'd bet neither of us remembered a half hour later. In fact, I didn't see her again for almost three weeks, which is a pretty long time for our decently small campus.

I was down seven drinks the night I bumped into her on my way to the bathroom. "Heyyyyy!!" I exclaimed, "it's octopus girl!"

She remembered me. "Cuttlefish," she corrected, smiling, although obviously nowhere near seven. "Are you allergic to octopus too?"

"Allergic? What?"

"You know, you don't eat cuttlefish..."

"Of course not. It's disgusting. Grosssssss. If you saw how they made them back in Chinato..." I almost bit off half my tongue. She just stood there, silently. I couldn't tell if she was confused or had it all figured out. I put my drink down on the table. "Look." I rubbed my forehead and sighed. "I'm not allergic. When I was young, I watched them dangle from these hooks dripping something that was an evil shade of neon orange, and I just never tried them. I had to look at them everyday going home, because I lived two floors above the barbeque store in Chinatown. I couldn't tell you because..."

"Where?"

I stared at her. I could feel the blood lightly pounding in my head. "Where what?"

"Chinatown in which city?"

"Vancouver..."

"No way! I grew up in San Francisco's Chinatown!"